Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
