It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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