How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize