Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
