So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
