There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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