highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
