I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
