It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
