Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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