she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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