hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize