Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I smell stomach acid.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
