i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
