He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
