So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
