I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
