it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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