why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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