Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
