There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
