No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
