your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My vagina is officially offended.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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