im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
