It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
