you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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