She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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