Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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