Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
