did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
