I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize