Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize