Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
