The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
