didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
