Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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