the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
