4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
