Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
