It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
