no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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