i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
