My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
