Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
