A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
