i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
