I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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