She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
