i think i have herpe
just one?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
