and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
