just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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