Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
