Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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