So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Even my vagina gasped.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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