I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
