i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
