its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
