You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
