i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
