I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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