I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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