yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
