We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
