i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
