i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
