How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
