Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
