but the lizard people decide everything anyway
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize