can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
