Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
