Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
