watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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