I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
