That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
