Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
