hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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