32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
