He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
