i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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