I have demons in me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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