is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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