do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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