oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
