are you still at the devil's house?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
