Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think i peed on brittanys purse
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
