By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
