I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
