What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I see more hoeing in ur future
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
